Creating the perfect proposal


Asking your partner to embark upon the next life chapter and up the commitment with you is a big step in the relationship. For many people, they agonise over ways to make it the ‘perfect’ proposal with a big gesture. For others, they prefer a considered, private and discrete declaration of love and future together. And yet there is a vast part of the population who are overcome by emotions and a strong connection that they propose ‘in the moment’ with spontaneity.

However, there are a few secrets to ensuring the perfect proposal which Rachael Scharrer, divorce and relationship expert, coach and founder of shares today:

  1. Your proposal shouldn’t come as a shock. The date, time and way in which you propose can be a surprise but taking the next step shouldn’t be a foreign concept for your partner. Usually couples talk about their future plans, what it looks like and how they can both thrive in the relationship as they look forwards. Accordingly, a proposal is often a natural next step for the couple.
  2. Do you need someone’s blessing? If your partner is ‘traditional,’ it could be helpful asking for a close relative’s ‘blessing’ upon the union or engagement. If your partner’s loved one doesn’t give their blessing at first, keep trying and remember to remain the best companion to your partner in the meantime. There may be a valid reason that you could discuss and plan for. Equally, you could decide to proceed without the loved one’s blessing.
  3. Make your proposal thought-filled and considered. Take some time to think about what you love about your partner, what you believe you can offer them in the future and how you can build an amazing life together. Reflect upon how you can tell your partner your thoughts and feelings, consider: where will you ask? When (or what day) will your propose? Is there a significance to the day/date/time/location? How you will ‘pop the big question?’ Will you ask with a ring or without a ring? Will you ask on bended knee? Will you have someone help you execute from the sidelines? Will you ask from the air, sea or land? Will you ask in writing, verbally or visually? Will you ask in public, in front of family/friends or in private? Will it be a destination proposal?
  4. Manage your proposal jitters. Being nervous about your proposal is normal! You aren’t alone – Everyone experiences it. Planning ahead and having an idea of what you want to say or do certainly helps. Be warned, don’t spoil your proposal by having too many wines/beers before asking – it will take away from the shine of the occasion.
  5. Create a proposal that is unique to you as a couple. Putting in the effort to make the proposal special and unique to the couple is incredibly memorable and adds to the sentimentality of the day. Incorporating something that your partner likes, what drew you together from the outset, something that says ‘I understand who you are’ or a special ‘twist’ helps to make the proposal individual to you two…

But wait! What happens if the proposal doesn’t go exactly as planned?

Don’t be perturbed if your partner says ‘no.’ Just because you receive a response that you weren’t expecting, it doesn’t mean that the relationship has to end. It becomes a great opportunity for you to learn why they may not be ready to embark upon the next life chapter – it could be a number of variables which you can discuss, plan for and achieve.

It’s ok if something goes awry. Your partner doesn’t know what you are planning to do or say so if something doesn’t happen ‘like clockwork’ as you would have expected, don’t stress. Your partner will be none-the-wiser and the day is bound to be excited and thrilled by the proposal.

Remember to have fun when you are asking your partner to spend the rest of your life together. Yes, it is a big commitment with an element of seriousness – the effort you put in the preparations will make your proposal even more special. Taking the leap of faith towards your future together will be a moment to remember forever.

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This is general advice only and is not provided as legal, medical, financial or other professional advice.