Using love languages to celebrate Valentine's Day 2019

Rachael Scharrer, relationship and divorce expert and wellness advocate, offers the five love languages as a jumping off point for choosing a thought-filled gift which speaks ‘love’ to your loved one this Valentine’s Day.

There is no greater gift than being truly understood and feeling like someone actually understands you. This year on Valentine’s Day, February 14, I thought that it could be lovely celebrating your loved one and/or children and their individuality by recognising their primary love language.

There are five primary love languages. Every person may like several of the love languages will have one dominant or primary love language. The love languages are:

1. Touch
2. Quality time
3. Acts of kindness
4. Gifts
5. Words of affirmation

The primary love language is the way in which an individual will default to when showing love on another person and it is the way that they understand that someone loves them. The benefit in understanding love languages is that we can tailor or adjust what we do and how we express our love to others based on the love language which is primary to them.

My challenge this Valentine’s Day is to take some time to reflect on who each of your children are and who your partner is as individuals and decipher which love language is their primary love language. Once you have this sorted, then select an appropriate ‘gift’ to suit them.

You might like to write a note of recognition explaining what your gift is for Valentine’s Day. Some suggestions to get you started may include:

1. Touch: hand, foot or head massage
2. Quality time: play boardgame, read a book together or go for a walk/bicycle ride together
3. Acts of kindness: Help them clean their room or create a special photobook together of their life/time with you, go out of your way to pick them up from work or make their favourite meal
4. Gifts: pick some wild/garden flowers, make a sweet treat or create a special homemade pamper pack
5. Words of affirmation: write to your loved ones individually and tell them how very special they are to you, write them a poem or send a special note to school or work

In my home, I have one child and a special someone with a primary love language of touch and second child with an acts of kindness love language. For me it will be easy to offer them all an aromatherapy massage – they love the scents of essential oils and they enjoy being pampered, touched and having that feeling of connectedness that comes with being in physical contact with another person.

Valentine’s Day is very much a day that chocolate companies, florists and stationery suppliers (like Hallmark) businesses boom. It doesn’t have to be a day that you spend lots of money to make your loved ones feel special. It is a day, however, that you can pay particular attention to the love language drivers of those close to you and do something that makes them feel particularly special and, most importantly, loved.

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